Avengers Dating Profiles
by PassionatelyHiddlestoned
Summary: Tony, Steve, Bruce, Clint, Thor, Loki, and Natasha go on SuperherosWantLove and help each other create dating profiles. These are the finished products. T for suggestive content. Leave a review on the one you'd go for and apply to one of their ads, and they'll 'reply' in the story! ;)
1. Online Dating?

"This is a ridiculous idea," said Natasha. "Sorry Tony, but I agree…" said Bruce, "What if we're perfectly happy just being alone?" Tony scoffed. "No one, is perfectly happy alone."

Steve sighed. "Tony, I'm not really that comfortable with this…" "Loosen up, Capsicle, you'll probably meet some worth while hotties! If you take my advice on how to word your profile." This really worried Steve.

"Am I the only one besides Tony who thinks this is a good idea?" said Clint.

"Yes," said Loki. Natasha snorted. "Of course **you** like the idea, Clint." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Everyone!" said Thor in his booming voice. They all looked to him.

"The man of iron has an admirable idea. This 'online dating' could be fun!" "Exactly. Fun. Dating and finding the woman of my dreams should be something serious, that I'm sure about," said Steve. "We obviously have different views on dating," replied Tony snarkily.

"Let's just do it! YOLO, guys!" said Clint. They all glared at him. "Don't try to be cool, Clint," Natasha said. "Never, ever say YOLO again," Tony said.

"We're going to try it. It will be a good time!" said Thor.

So that settled it. They helped each create these.


	2. Tony's Profile: TonyStarkdaHawty

**PEN NAME: TonyStarkdaHawty **

**Name:** Tony Stark

**Age**: Does it really matter? ;)

**Height: **5"8**,** but with the suit, 6"1

**Trademark Feature: **Message me and you'll find out ;)

**Wants kids**: Not really, but if you're happy, I'm happy baby.

**Occupation**: Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist/ Iron Man

**Ethnicity**: White/ Non-Hispanic

**Religion:** Atheist

**Drinks:** Hell yeah!

**Smokes**: Nah.

**Bio**:

Just a super rich guy who is lookin for a fun night! I'm a rly hot guy, like legit babe magnet, and yul love me when you see my gorgeous bod. HAWT CHICS FOR THE WIN,,.lolz

**Additional Details: **

Sorry, I think I was drunk when I wrote that. What I'd really like a fun-loving girl who likes to take a walk on the wild side, but also knows when to say when, 'cause I certainly don't, and I'll need that to keep me in check. ;) Msg me!


	3. Natasha's Profile: Hard2GetRussianGurl99

**PEN NAME: Hard2GetRussianGurl99 **

**Name:** Natasha Romanov

**Age**: 29

**Height: **5"7

**Trademark Feature: **My fighting skills. I consider that a feature, and if you don't, GTFO.

**Wants kids**: I'm not really the child friendly type, but if they're cute,

**Occupation**: Master Assassin at S.H.I.E.L.D.

**Ethnicity**: Russian/ American

**Religion:** Not Specified.

**Drinks:** Socially.

**Smokes**: Gross! No way.

**Bio**:

I'm a trained combat agent, and if you try anything prematurely, I will not hesitate to break your arm, or anything, clean off, and there are men who can speak to that. I have never really been in a relationship before, so I think it would be fun to try it. I can be hot, but only if I want to be. If you're looking for a challenge, ;) message me.

**Additional Details: **

Not accepting any messages from anyone by the name of Tony Stark, 2Genius4U, TonyStarkdaHawty, or anything with Stark in the name.


	4. Steve's Profile: StarSpangles4U

**PEN NAME: StarSpangles4U **

**Name:** Steve Rogers

**Age**: It's Complicated.

**Height: **6"1

**Trademark Feature: **Um…. My deep blue eyes?

**Wants kids**: That would be nice!

**Occupation**: Super Soldier

**Ethnicity**: AMERICAN.

**Religion:** Christian

**Drinks:** No, I'm unable to get drunk.

**Smokes**: Never.

**Bio**:

Let's see. Well, my friends put me up to this, since I don't really know how to work this 'World Wide Web' very well. My friends describe me as quiet, brave, loyal, kind, and extremely patriotic. It would be lovely to have a woman to spend the rest of my life with that we could share together. Not looking for anyone too extreme, just a kind, caring companion. Message me if interested.

**Additional Details: **

If ya think this guy's boring, go check out Tony Stark's profile - TonyStarkdaHawty

**Additional Details: **

That was not me, pay no attention to that last detail, I'm not sure how to delete it, but it was NOT me.


	5. Bruce's Profile: ThatSciencingGuy21

**PEN NAME: ThatSciencingGuy21 **

**Name:** Bruce Banner

**Age**: Late 30s

**Height: **5"9

**Trademark Feature: **My mind.

**Wants kids**: If that's where life takes us, I'm open to anything!

**Ethnicity**: White/ Non-Hispanic

**Religion:** Atheist.

**Drinks:** Sometimes.

**Smokes**: No

**Bio**:

I love reading, I'm quiet, logical, and solitary, but now I'd like to start a life with someone. If you would like a like a loving partner to try a relationship with, then message me.

**Additional Details: **

If you came to this profile for the Hulk, please leave now, he's not as good as you'd think.

**Additional Details: **

P.S. I'm not able to have sex. I know a lot of you probably just left, but if you're still reading, thank you.


	6. Clint's Profile: Bullseye69

**PEN NAME: Bullseye69 **

**Name:** Clint Barton

**Age**: I'm as old as you want me to be ;)

**Height: **5"10

**Trademark Feature: **My sexy muscles ;p

**Wants kids**: Um. Maybe eventually. After some HELLA FUN ;)

**Occupation**: Master Marksmen at S.H.I.E.L.D

**Ethnicity**: White/Non Hispanic

**Religion:** Don't really have one.

**Drinks:** When I want to have a good time!

**Smokes**: Probably tried it, but no.

**Bio**:

I'm a fun guy who wants a fun girl to love. If you like a charming, athletic, good looking dude, look no further and message me!

**Addition Details: **

P.S. Wanna know what sound a Hawk makes? ;))


	7. Thor's Profile: TheAsgardianPrince101

**PEN NAME: TheAsgardianPrince101 **

**Name:** Thor Odinson

**Age**: Many, many years older than anyone here. {edited} Due to the advice of my comrades, I am 30 earth years of age.

**Height: **6"3

**Trademark Feature: **My flowing blonde hair that blows admirably in the breeze.

**Wants kids**: Eventually, if we feel close enough for conception, it would be enjoyable to have a child to pass on our lineage to as a successor.

**Occupation**: God of Thunder.

**Ethnicity**: Asgardian

**Religion:** My beliefs are not known of Midgard, but allegiance of faith lies in that of the golden realm of Valhalla.

**Drinks:** Midgardian alcohol is weak, I will drink anything!

**Smokes**: I do not know what this is.

**Bio**:

I am the God of Thunder! I mean that sincerely, and not in a… what does the Man of Iron call it… 'Kinky' way? I am seeking a beautiful, adventurous woman to spend my life with, and to embark on the journey of love! I have been described as strong, dashing, poetic, and sensitive! 'Message' me if you have the same ideals!


	8. Loki's Profile: UWereMade2BRuled

**PEN NAME: UWereMade2BRuled**

**Name:** Loki Laufeyson

**Age**: Beyond the comprehension of you mortals.

**Height: **6"2, but over 7" with the helmet. Just imagine that, darling.

**Trademark Feature: **My perfectly chiselled jaw line/cheekbones. 

**Wants kids**: Are you joking?

**Occupation**: God of Mischief.

**Ethnicity**: Originally born of Jotun lineage, then adopted by a family of Asgardian oafs who tricked me into believing I was a prince. It would not be wise to inquire about my childhood.

**Religion:** I **am** a god. Need I say more?

**Drinks:** I suppose, if I am in the mood.

**Smokes**: Never would I ever subject myself to that dastardly Midgardian habit in all of time.

**Bio**:

I am in search of a Midgardian woman to please me, {edit} share a wondrous life with me. If you enjoy a mix of dazzling mystery, magic, and pleasure, message me to become your suitor. KNEEL BEFORE ME!

**Additional Details: **

If you send an especially pleasing message to me, I will allow you to run your fingers through my slick black hair. Once. And only once, mind you.


	9. Come Over!

**A/N: Since I got 2 favourites, Coulson's profile is up next! 3 more faves and Fury gives in too! ;)**

Tony smirked, but had a tight feeling of jealousy welling up inside of him. "Well, Loki, looks like you're a hit so far." Loki glanced at him, and smiled smugly. "What can I say? You can't compete with the God of Mischief!" Clint pouted. "Come, all of us will surely get responses soon!" said Thor optimistically.

The phone rang. It was Coulson.

"Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know the status of project code na- "

"Phil, where are you?"

"Uh… S.H.I.E.L.D HQ. Why?"

Tony grinned. "Come to the tower right away. Oh, bring Fury too!" He laughed as he hung up the phone.

Steve facepalmed. "You know you're just setting yourself up for trouble, right?" asked Bruce. "Especially when Fury's involved," added Natasha, raising her eyebrows.

"LIVE a little! All the guys at S.H.I.E.L.D need to loosen up a bit. Don't you agree Barton?" asked Tony.

Clint grinned devilishly along with Tony. "Great idea!"

The doors to the elevator dinged, and Phil and Fury stepped out into the den. "Wow," said Natasha, "Fury actually came too."

"This better be good," said Nick as he walked over to them, where they were all huddled around the computer screen.

"This is what you brought me here for? 'Superheroes Want Love?' What in the hell is this crap?! Don't you guys have better things to do?"

"Not really. Now check this out," said Tony flipping the screen to face them. "You guys are gonna make one."

Phil blushed, but Nick just stared. "Are you *censored* me?" Steve raised his eyebrows at Fury's tone. "What makes you think that I would ever, ever want a girlfriend? Really Stark?! For a genius, you're a real idiot sometimes!"

Tony shrugged. He turned to Coulson. "What about you?" Phil shook his head slowly. "I- I don't think so… I mean, who would want me?" "You'd be surprised. Seriously. Come on! It'll be fun. Here, check out ours." He showed Phil their individual profiles.

He swallowed. "I suppose I could try it… but what if someone messages me?" "Then you write back! Duh!"

After a very long period of time where Phil thought the whole thing over, he finally came to a conclusion. "Alright. Let's do it." "Woo-hoo!" said Clint, high fiving him.

This is what they came up with.


	10. Phil's Profile: CapLuver88

**PEN NAME: CapLuver88**

**Name:** Phil Coulson

**Age**: 37

**Height: **5"9

**Trademark Feature: **My 'cool' sunglasses. {edited} Sorry, that's not a feature, my hair, I think.

**Occupation: **Field Agent at S.H.I.E.L.D. Details classified.

**Wants kids**: Sure!

**Ethnicity**: White/ Non-Hispanic

**Religion:** Over the years, I've seen some pretty radical things. I don't know what I believe anymore.

**Drinks:** I never drink on the job. And I'm always on the job. So no.

**Smokes**: Nope.

**Bio**:

I have these cards. Captain America Trading Cards, actually. They're a vintage set. I'm very proud. What else is there to say about me? Well, I love my job. I get to meet some cool people. One in particular. No, no, sorry, this is about me. Um, I can be very calm and serious when situations call for it, but I'd like to think I've got a pretty good sense of humour as well! Msg me!

**Additional Details: **

Not all heroes are super. ;)


	11. Nick's Profile: BadAssAgent33

**PEN NAME: BadAssAgent33**

**Name:** Nick Fury

**Age**: And why THE HELL do you need to know this? {edited} Mid forties.

**Height: **Tall.

**Trademark Feature: **My eyepatch.

**Wants kids**: Don't make me laugh. I haven't laughed in over 6 years.

**Ethnicity**: African American

**Religion:** Classified

**Drinks:** Classified

**Smokes**: Classified

**Bio**:

Classified.

**Additional Details: **

Alright, alright. I like guns, and I look good in a black trench coat. I suppose it would be slightly enjoyable to have some company, so I wouldn't be completely alone. All the time. Because I am. Oh, and don't ask about my bad eye. I don't like to talk about it. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, MESSAGE ME!


	12. Spread the Word

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Looks like you got a hit, Nick! Man, this is cause to celebrate, I didn't think this would ever happen." Nick narrowed his eyes at Tony. "Are you kidding me, Stark?" Tony shook his head. "Come look!"

He flipped the screen around, and Nick looked.

He grinned. "Let's get Hill over here. She's got to try this!"

They called Maria Hill up on the phone, waiting for her to answer. On the last ring, she answered. "What? I'm busy!"

"Hill?" Tony asked. She sighed. "Tony, for the last time, I'm busy every day you're not for the rest of my life!" "No, no, I'm not asking you out. Everyone's over here at the tower, and we want you to come."

There was a pause. "What are you doing that's so interesting?" "Oh… you'll see."

She came in the front door, arms crossed. "What is it? I've got agents to debrief." Tony pointed to the screen, and the minute she saw the website name, she shook her head and turned, walking to the door. "Wait! Hill, come here!" She turned. "This is ridiculous. You are all ridiculous."

Fury stopped her. "Hill, if you leave, you're fired." She stopped. She turned to face them. "Sir, if you'd fire me over something like this, then I quit." Fury sighed. "Look, Hill, just come sit down and try it out." She rolled her eyes. "Fine!"

They walked her through the website, showing her all of theirs, and when they were finished, she smiled. "Alright. I've always wanted to try something like this."

This is Maria Hill's profile.


	13. Maria Hill's Profile: HillTakesControl34

**PEN NAME: HillTakesControl34**

**Name:** Maria Hill

**Age**: 38

**Height: **5"11

**Trademark Feature: **My eyes, no doubt.

**Wants kids**: I might. But we would need a Nanny like 24/7 because my job is my life.

**Ethnicity**: White/ Non-Hispanic

**Religion:** My beliefs are now your beliefs.

**Drinks:** Socially

**Smokes**: No. Way. If you do leave this profile.

**Bio**:

I have strong opinions, so don't disagree with anything I say. Unless you are higher in authority. Don't ask about my job, I'm not allowed to talk about it. Beside my always-serious image, I actually like to party, but I don't have a sense of humour until I'm drunk. Oh, and I love horror movies. If you want to turn me on, take me to a horror movie.

**Additional Details: **

Tony, STAY AWAY FROM MY PROFILE! I mean it, if I get one more message from you, I'll tear the crotches out of every single one of your iron suits.


	14. Blind Dates

"Should we go on dates with them?" asked Bruce awkwardly, staring at the responses they got. "Uh, I don't think that's-" started Steve, but Tony cut him off. "Yes. That is a brilliant idea, Bruce! Pick one and respond, everybody."

They all looked through their responses, some getting more than others, and they all eventually picked out one they thought looked the most promising of the bunch.

"Tony, isn't Pepper going to kill you for this?" asked Natasha. "She won't only kill me, she'll probably chop me up and reincarnate me just so she can kill me again, but it's almost Valentines Day, so what the hell?"

It was almost Valentines Day, and what better way to celebrate it than a few crazy blind dates?

"I must take this opportunity to decline," said Thor. "I am deeply in love with my Jane, and would not wish to do anything untrue to our relationship." Tony shrugged. "Suit yourself. More action for the rest of us!" Steve gulped, and Bruce scratched the back of his neck.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Seriously guys. What could come of a few dates?!"

They had no idea what was to come.


End file.
